Marriage Preparation
Congratulations! Your engagement is a special time for celebration and preparation. The Sacrament of Matrimony is a wonderful and deep expression of commitment, faith, and love. Your marriage is not just a single day, but for a lifetime; therefore, serious and careful preparation will be required.
The Parish Community of Saint Agnes shares in your excitement and the staff welcomes this opportunity to assist you. There are many questions that you must have, and we hope that this booklet will help to answer most of them. May God continue to bless your love for one another, and through your human love, may you discover God’s Divine Love.
It Takes Time
The Catholic Bishops of New Jersey established a common policy for all couples seeking marriage in the church. All those desiring the Sacrament must begin a preparation process at least 12 months prior to the Wedding Day. This period of time allows for a relaxed, prayerful, in-depth process in lieu of “rushing to get things done”.
The bishops have designed a multi-staged program.
These steps include:
1. A series of meetings with the priest who will witness your wedding. (Please do not set reception date until after your initial meeting with your parish priest).
And
2. Attendance at either an Engaged Encounter Weekend OR Pre-Cana sessions. The priest you are working with will give you more information about these programs. It is your responsibility to make your own reservations. Since all Catholics in the Archdiocese must attend one of these programs, they fill quickly. It is in your best interest to make your reservations early. You should finish the program at least 6 months before your wedding day.
Documents
You will need to provide certain documents before the wedding:
All persons need:
A recent copy of your Baptismal Certificate. You must contact the church in which you were baptized and request a new certificate. It must be dated less than 6 months from the actual date of your wedding day.
Certificate of attendance at Engaged Encounter or Pre-Cana.
Clergy
It is customary for one of the St. Agnes priests to be the witness to your wedding. Upon special request, the pastor may give permission for another priest or deacon to officiate at your wedding. If such permission is given, it is the responsibility of the visiting clergy to contact the pastor for delegation. In addition, when such permission is given, the visitor must agree to honor the customs and policies set by our parish family.
Other Participants
The Revised Code of Canon Law suggests that both the Best Man and the Maid of Honor be baptized, practicing Catholics. It absolutely requires that one of them is both baptized and actively practicing their Catholic faith.
There are sections in both versions of the marriage liturgy that may be performed by someone other than the priest. It is fitting that the scripture readings, general intercessions, and bringing the gifts of bread and wine to the altar be done by family or friends. The priest will guide you when you come to liturgy planning in the marriage preparation process.
Music
St. Agnes parish observes all the directives of the Archdiocese of Newark concerning the kind and style of music there. Flower petals may not be dropped by the flower girl during the opening procession.
Our philosophy about marriage is that it is, first and foremost, a celebration of the worshipping community. As such, only selections which enhance the quality of worship are permitted to be used. The vast majority of contemporary “pop” music does not fit this criterion and it is our policy not to perform secular music at weddings.
The parish Organist & Director of Music are under contract to be present for and play at all weddings. Please consult the Director of Music for planning information about the liturgy.
The couple must personally contact the director of music and set an appointment to meet. It is strongly advised that you do so sooner than later. You can arrange a meeting with Mary Ellen, who normally sings at Masses on Sunday. The director of Music will help you to choose music from a wide range of selections.
Fees
It is customary to give a donation to the parish. This donation covers the cost of using the building and its utilities. Checks are payable to St. Agnes Church.
At present these are the suggested offering amounts:
Church: $275.00
Organist: $150.00
Cantor: $150.00
Sacristan: $ 10.00
Altar Servers: $ 5.00 each (suggested)
If there has been a previous marriage:
A death certificate of the previous spouse, or a copy of the Decree of Annulment. If the previous marriage did not take place in the Catholic Church a Decree of Nullity is required. The priest will be happy to assist you in obtaining these.
If one of the parties is not Catholic:
The Catholic party must petition for a dispensation. This is usually done with ease. However, in some instances there may be other conditions that will require the priest to lengthen the preparation process. This is in accord with the Common Policy of the Bishops of New Jersey.
Place and Type of Service
The sacrament of Marriage is a sacred event and therefore requires sacred surroundings. Weddings outside of a place of worship are not permitted. It is also not permitted to have two separate religious services, one Catholic the other non-Catholic. For good reason, permission may be granted to have the service in the non-Catholic party’s house of worship.
Couples have their choice of two styles of ceremonies:
1. The Nuptial Mass
or
2. The Wedding Ceremony
The priest will explain the difference and assist you in choosing which option may be more appropriate for you. Please note that the Nuptial Mass is not permitted on Sunday and is usually discouraged when one of the parties is non-Catholic. It is also not allowed during the season of lent.
To meet the needs of everyone in the parish, weddings are usually scheduled at:
Friday: 3:00 pm, 5:00 pm
Saturday: 11:30 am, 2:00 pm, 3:30 pm
Sunday: 2:00 pm, 3:30 pm
(On Baptism Sundays 3:30 only)
The Catholic Rite of Marriage instructs, “when a marriage is celebrated during Advent or Lent…the parish priest should advise the couple to take into consideration the special nature of these times.” For that reason, we discourage marriage during these seasons, especially Lent.
Punctuality
It is no longer fashionable to be late for your wedding. Besides, if the bride arrives 5 minutes early, you will be traditionally 10 minutes late. Please do not assume that there is nothing going on in the Church after your wedding. Tardiness may result in sections of your ceremony being omitted. Please inform your photographer of this, as frequently they are responsible for much of the delay.
Rehearsal
The wedding rehearsal is normally scheduled for an evening shortly before the wedding date, at the convenience of the couple and the priest.
At the rehearsal you Must bring with you:
1. The marriage license.
2. The appropriate fees, in separate envelopes.
3. Any liturgical items that will be used for the ceremony.
Photographers
Most couples want to capture the wonder of their spiritual wedding day on film. Photographers are welcomed. We do have some rules to insure the sacredness and solemnity of the celebration. Cameras are not permitted in the sanctuary (different color carpet) and the professionals should be as inconspicuous as possible. Extra lighting, fixed or otherwise, is not permitted. Please inform your photographer before contracting. Also, remind them to see the priest in the sacristy before the start of your ceremony.
Flowers and Decorations
A reasonable amount of flowers are permitted. Flowers, which should be chosen to reflect the day and the season of the year, are usually left behind as a gift to the church. Any decorations that are to be attached to the pews may not be taped.
Rice and Confetti
The custom of throwing rice at a wedding is one steeped in the origins of pagan fertility rituals. Tradition aside, it is clearly inappropriate to do this at a celebration of Christian love. In addition, because of the danger of slipping and the clean-up problem, please ask your guests NOT to throw rice, confetti, birdseed, or anything similar anywhere on or near church grounds.
Reconciliation ( Confession )
It is advised that the bride and groom seek out the opportunity of receiving the sacrament of Reconciliation (Confession) before their marriage. Since marriage is a new beginning in your life, going to confession is an opportunity for you to put behind the past and begin anew in Christian life. We suggest that you receive the sacrament a week or so before the wedding from a priest of your choice. Confessions are heard at Saint Agnes on Saturdays at 1pm & 6:30pm.
Marriage License
The Marriage License must be obtained in the city of the bride’s residence. If the bride is not from New Jersey the license must then be obtained in the city where the marriage will take place. The office of the City Clerk will assist you in this.
In the State of New Jersey, a marriage license is only valid for thirty (30) days from the date of issue. Also, it does not become valid until 72 hours after issue. Please keep both of these in mind when choosing a time to apply.
Any legal questions concerning the Marriage License should be addressed to the City Clerk and not to the priest.
You must bring the Marriage License to the rehearsal where it will be signed by the priest, the Best Man, and Maid of Honor.
Please remember that we, your parish priests and staff, stand ready to assist you in any way we can as you prepare to begin this important step in your life. God bless you.